To help you pull the pieces of your query letter together, and see an example of one that worked, I’ve put my own query letter below. I’m going to be honest with you, it’s not perfect. There are parts of it that I look back at now and cringe, but my query letter did what it was supposed to do. It raised enough interest in my story that more than one agent read on to my sample pages, and more than one requested the full manuscript.
So, without further ado, here it is:
Dear [Agent Name]: Askia didn’t become heir to the Frozen Crown of Seravesh by being a mouth-breathing politician; she’s a woman of action. So when the Roven Empire invades her kingdom, Askia is prepared to do anything to keep her people from being enslaved. When six months of guerilla warfare fails to liberate her people, she sails to sun-drenched Vishir—a country renowned for its political intrigue—to beg Emperor Armaan for aid. At court, a different kind of battle awaits her—one where the veneer of propriety is wielded as deftly as any blade. Each choice Askia makes earns her enemies she can’t afford, from a powerful queen and her love-sick son, to the Shazir—crusaders whose zealotry demands the execution of every witch they find. Now the singular magical ability Askia has kept secret her entire life is at risk of exposure, and its discovery could end Seravesh’s bid for freedom before it even begins. With the ghosts of her past haunting her in more ways than one, Askia must navigate the maelstrom of Vishir’s politics if she hopes to save her people. Doing so will require sacrifices she never imagined, but the alternative? There isn’t one. FROZEN CROWN is an adult epic fantasy complete at 96,000 words. You mention [in your podcast, or x-interview] that you adore all things N.K. Jemisin and I believe that my novel will appeal to readers who love the lavish but deadly court politics and intricately drawn, non-western setting of The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms and Black Wolves. I currently reside in Wisconsin with my husband and a cat who may, or may not, control the weather. Thank you for your time and consideration.
And that’s it. You can see how all the steps from the Dissecting the Query Letter post come together.
See how short that hook paragraph is? Three sentences that not only describe who my main character is, but what she wants and what’s at stake. Focus on that: character and stakes, set them up quickly and succinctly and you’ll be off to a great start.
Paragraph two delves deeper into the conflict, namely her quest to secure an army and all that is standing in her way. Just as important as what you include in this paragraph is what you don’t include. I didn’t spend many words on Askia’s magic or her on her growing relationships with allies Ilya, Iskander and Nariko, because even though that’s all important in the novel’s plot, it isn’t what propels the conflict. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: conflict is what drives your query letter.
My last paragraph is simple too. I didn’t have any publishing credits to my name when I queried, and that’s okay. Just spell out your novel’s category and genre, add some comp titles and a few things about yourself. Say thank you and sign off.
Sounds too simple, doesn’t it? In a way, it is.
What you don’t see from this letter are the twenty or so other drafts I’d written before this one. What you don’t see are the weeks I spent working on it, and the weeks I’d locked it away so I could see it with fresh eyes. You don’t see the notes I got from wonderful beta readers, not the least of whom was the lovely Rebecca Heyman, independent editrix extraordinaire and director of the Work Conference, who helped me whip the letter into shape before attending the conference in 2018.
And no, you don’t have to spend money on a conference or an independent editor to get a query letter that works. But you do need to spend the same time and attention on your query letter as you did your novel. After all, you know better than to think your first draft is good enough to submit to an agent (or second, or third…) so make sure your query letter is as polished as your pages. Follow these steps, and with a little luck and a fork-ton of perseverance, you might just catch the eye of your dream agent.
Happy querying.